In my first blog post I talked about how to find the right therapist for you. I mentioned that counselling is an investment in your health and well-being. Now let’s talk about making the most out of that investment. In other words, how to make the most of your counselling sessions. Here are some points we will be considering: 1. Preparing and Reflecting for Counselling 2. The Work Between Sessions 3. Be YOU with Your Therapist Preparing and Reflecting for Counselling Book your sessions at times where you can afford to sit with yourself for at least 5-10 minutes before and after each session. Making time for this helps you to show up to session feeling present, not rushed or pressured to go fast. Having time with yourself after sessions is vital for reflecting on what came up for you in session. Prepare. In my previous post, I recommended asking yourself basic questions to know what you want to get out of counselling. Those questions are a great start in discovering your overarching goal. Since these goals are often more than can be achieved in one session, it’s good to set aside time before the session to set an incremental goal for that day. One question you could ask: “What do I need from counselling today?” Answers could be: I need a new perspective on…; I’d like to gain insight into this…; I need to shift this... Reflect. After each session, take some time with yourself. Play back in your head the flow of the session from beginning to end. What were some things that stood out, things you want to remember? Perhaps there was a question the therapist asked that helped you dig deeper or gain a new perspective. Maybe it was an experience you had of yourself in session that you want to hang on to. To do this well, do whatever helps you ground, settle down, reflect. Taking time before and after sessions can be a big ask for some people – but instead of worrying about having lots of time, aim for quality time instead. This can look like popping into a coffee shop, or sitting in your car before or after your session. 5 minutes of actual, calm reflection is better than 10 minutes of phone scrolling. Either way, taking the time to connect with yourself before and after session is a great way to make the most of those 50 minutes of work. Think of it as the pre or post workout drink that primes and protects muscles. This time can prime and protect your brain to retain its efforts from a session. The Work Between Sessions The real work of therapy is between sessions. When you experience the changes and differences in your daily life you are creating new neural pathways. Experience literally etches new neural pathways in your brain that lead you to respond to moments in your life rather than to react to them. We can move from reactivity to responsivity. We live presently and actively rather than passively or on auto-pilot. This is how change happens. Keeping a journal of notable things that happen throughout the week can be really helpful to externalize some of these internal processes. Writing down what you’ve noticed keeps you motivated, clarifies your thoughts, and helps clear your mind. Rather than trying to hold your realization in your memory, getting it on paper helps refocus that energy into motivation and externalized progress, activating the brain’s reward system. If you’re not much of a journal writer, like myself, here are some helpful tools to get you to process without the overwhelming glare of a blank page. 1. The 5 Minute Journal 2. Free write. Set a timer for 3 minutes and write - whatever comes out, no judgement 3. A line a day 4. 1,1,1. At the end of each day write: one good thing that happened, one bad thing that happened, one way to make tomorrow better. Be YOU with Your Therapist Be sure to also bring your journal with you to session. A lot can happen in 50 minutes, so do yourself a favor and write things down. During the session, take note of things you want to remember, either from your own or the therapist’s process questions and reflections. Be YOU. You’re not there to impress your therapist. You’re there to be helped, accompanied, seen. The more yourself you are, the more your therapist can know you, and the better they can help you. This is key to the therapeutic relationship. Speaking as a therapist, I love getting feedback from my clients. It helps to know what in therapy is helpful and not helpful for them as a unique individual. If something’s not landing with them, then we need to go in a different direction, or slow things down. Quite honestly, I am not the same way with every client, because it’s part of the job to be able to see, attune, and adjust to what the needs are at a given moment. At times I may need to change approaches to see what helps a client feel more comfortable, or even to challenge them a little. But that relationship is key. How can you have a relationship with someone you barely know? This is why it is so important for you to truly be YOU with your therapist, and not to worry about putting on a good “show.”
Conclusion
Getting the most out of your sessions doesn’t only happen in session. It’s something you do before, after, and between sessions as well. You get out what you put in: so, the more you’re willing to put in before, during, after, and between sessions, the more valuable those sessions become.